When Things Don't Go as Planned

Learning to pause, pivot, and see beyond what I thought I needed.

I’ve always been good at pushing through.

Pain? Keep going. Doubt? Ignore it.

Last September, I injured my back. I didn’t think much of it at first—just a bit of pain. Something I could push through, like I always did.

But by February, it was clear: my body had other plans.

My injury changed everything I thought this year would be. And for a while, I didn’t know how to accept it.

In that stillness, I had to meet a version of myself I didn’t recognize—the one who wasn’t being the best, just trying to get through the day without pain.

The Hard Part 🥀

I was frustrated, mainly with my body. I had trained so hard, and suddenly, I couldn’t do the one thing that had always been mine—jump.

For a while, I felt stuck. My goals didn’t make sense anymore, and knowing what I was working toward was hard.

I wasn’t competing like I planned. I wasn’t improving like I hoped. And I had to learn how to be okay with that.

I started to realize I couldn’t force my way through it. I had to be patient with my body and with myself.

And maybe most importantly, I had to figure out how to feel still proud, even when the outcome looked different from what I imagined.

Finding Myself Somewhere Else 📷

After the NCAA, I came in almost dead last. But honestly, that didn’t hurt as much as what it took to get there—the daily pain, the pushing, the pretending I was okay.

That night, something shifted. I let go a little. I gave myself permission to stop forcing it.

I bought a camera I had been saving for—something I had wanted for a while, but kept putting off. Slowly, I started taking walks through parks, the zoo, anywhere I could watch and capture the small things I’ve always appreciated but rarely paused to honor.

Photography became a way to rest and reset.

I also started looking at summer differently. If I wasn’t going to compete, what else could I do? That question led me to internships, new mentors, and an entirely different kind of curiosity—one that asked not what I wanted to do, but who I wanted to become.

I leaned deeper into psychology, not just as homework but as a way to understand and support the people around me. To give something back.

And slowly, I started smiling again after practice. I wasn’t performing at my best, but I was still growing, learning, and showing up differently.

I began to love the sport again—not for the results, but for what it had taught me about myself.

The Reminder I Needed 🌸

I used to think stepping back meant giving up. But now I know it just means listening.

Not everything will go as planned, and not every goal will be reached in the way you imagined. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end.

Sometimes, life shifts your focus so you can see yourself more clearly. Even when things feel uncertain, you can still find joy, chase curiosity, and create meaning in new ways. In the end, you are in control of how you react and what you take from those life lessons.